Toadilly Mediocre
Dic: 1992
when you think 90's and you think cartoons, many will remember the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. When the comic series went animated in 1987, it became an instant success, spawning everything from action figures, clothing, movies, and even video games. And of course, like every successful thing, it has its knockoffs. Street Sharks, Biker Mice From Mars, Toxic Crusaders. all tried to recreate the success of the heroes in a half shell, but few only barely became memorable. however, there was another set of anthropomorphic heroes that tried to become the TMNT of the gaming world. and they were the Battletoads.
Before taking a James Bond movie and making it one of the most popular first person shooter games ever. Before they took the gaming world's main monkey Donkey Kong and giving him a 3D makeover, Rare created a game you either love, or have smashed many a controller over. Battletoads made its game debut on the NES in 1991, at a time when the 16-Bit era was in full swing, and the NES was starting to wind down. the plot had you playing brawling toads Rash and Zitz (it was the 90's, right smack dab in the whole "gross names" craze), as you save your comrade Pimple, and Princess Angelica from the Dark Queen.
But what stands between you and victory is some of the most difficult levels in gaming history. from rappelling down a nearly endless pit, to trying to survive a speeder bike track from hell, the game never let up on it's immense difficulty. This was one of those games most players never beat without the Game Genie. the game was a smash hit, and it wasn't long before it saw a port for the Sega Genesis, a sequel for the SNES, two games for the Game Boy, and a final multi-platform adventure, teaming up with another beloved video game team, the Double Dragons.
Not only was the Dark Queen one of the hottest pixelated women ever, but getting to face her was one of the toughest feats in gaming as well
So, Battletoads was quite a hit, what does this have to do with Tooncrap? well, let's get into it.
By the late 80's video gaming had seen a second coming, and with it came memorable animated adaptations. The Super Mario Bros Super Show, Captain N: The Game Master, Sonic the Hedgehog, and many others saw success not just on the gaming consoles, but on TV as well. By 1992, Battletoads had become a hit with gamers, so it looked to have Potential to be another animated classic. however, that wasn't the case. In the holiday season of 1992, Battletoads had a shot at becoming an animated series, when a pilot was aired as a chance to see if the show would be a big enough hit to start a series. that wouldn't be the case. so let's take a look at the only Battletoads episode ever created.
the intro is promising enough. it follows the basic formula of most cartoons with limited footage to use. The theme is also quite catchy, although a bit corny. My main complaint does come from the animation. This was 1992. by then animation had become much better, so the animation does look a bit sloppy. I know it was done by the same people behind The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, but for a cartoon involving super powerful amphibians, it doesn't feel fitting. Perhaps Dic figured since this was only the pilot, that they wouldn't put that much effort into the animation.
We start the show with professor T-Bird and Princess Angelica being fired at in their Spaceship. We learn that Princess Angelica is the last of her family's bloodline, and that the Dark Queen is after her galactical amulet. Speaking of which, the Dark Queen and her minions are following them. We then cut to three Nerdy looking Kids.
Morgan Ziggler.
Dave Shar.
And George Pie. Seriously, of all the last names in the world, you have to give the fat guy, you name him Pie? anyway, they are being told by the principal that they are the biggest losers of the history of Waldo P. Oxnard Junior High. And due to them being bad influences with each other, he decides to split them up. They try to plead their case. But he shuts them down, essentially going as far as saying he doesn't even want them 20 feet from each other. You could argue that the principal is being a bit excessive, but considering how majorly klutzy they are, it's not hard to see why he would be so dire.
George (who has the always annoying surfer dude voice) tries to get involved with the Basketball team. and although getting told to beat it, still tries to play, only to somehow deflate the ball, and take down the entire Basketball hoop in the process.
Dave tries to use his Artistic talents to help promote the big football game, only to get his art rejected.
And Morgan, being the stereotypical nerd tries to help organize, only to destroy a computer in the process.
Meanwhile, Professor T-Bird and Princess Angelica are in a tomb on some planet, where they find the genetic essence of the Battletoads. Essentially like the mutagen from Ninja Turtles. The Dark Queen finds the duo, and Professor T-Bird decides that Earth is where they can find heroes worthy enough of being the Battletoads. T-bird then conveniently uses a portal to transport them to Oxnard California. How convenient that he just had the device to use right here and now. It's not like he could have used it before and got away from the Dark Queen easier.
Back to our nerdy protagonists, who are at a convenience store playing an arcade game. Morgan wonders what it would be like to be a video game character, only for the machine to conveniently begin to flash as T-Bird and Angelica teleport out of it. they tell the nerds of their situation, as the Convenience store clerk seems to somehow ignore the entire fact that a Princess and a talking bird just came out of an arcade machine. Somehow they believe the 3 nerds to be the greatest heroes of their race. Considering the two of them have only been on earth for not even a minute, that seems a bit hasty. The trio instantly agree to the opportunity to become heroes, and T-Bird sprays them with the Battletoad essence, and the trio instantly transform into said toads of the battle variety.
Somehow the Dark Queen and her minions begin to show up. coming through the Slurpee machine. T-Bird tells them to attack, but the trio, now unhappy that they've become giant amphibians, wonder why they should help. As the Dark Queen takes angelica, they trio decide to jump into action anyway. Morgan throws an icebox at the enemies, Dave uses his super fist, and George throws a watermelon. essentially the entire fight consists of using items from the store to humiliate the enemies, all while the clerk is still reading a newspaper. Seriously, is he freaking deaf? A surfer version of Hava Nagila plays in the background for some reason, making me wish for Barry Horowitz to show up. The Dark Queen and her minions retreat through a portal.
After sending the queen into retreat, Angelica bestows upon them names of Honor. Morgan becomes Zitz, Dave becomes Rash, and George becomes Pimple. Af those are names of honor, I'd hate to see what names of Dishonor are. The trio learn they can go back to normal form at any time. to which they shout "Let's get normal" to turn back. the trio head to the home of their favorite teacher, Mr. Thorpen. They hope that he'll watch over Angelica and T-Bird. At first he doesn't believe them, until they transform in front of him. Kinda kills the point of changing back if you're just going to freaking transform in front of people the first chance you get. to transform they shout "Let's get Warty". not a really catchy catchphrase if you ask me.
they give the duo some stuff, including an old Cadillac that doesn't work. the trio then tell them that one of them needs to get a job. T-Bird agrees to get one, but since he's a giant talking Bird, he's out of the question. so Princess Angelica ends up working at a doughnut shop.
Just when things look calm, the Dark Queen's minions return. this time coming out of a Washer and Dryer. Three of the minions, are carrying satellite-looking laser things. Back to our heroes who are beginning to learn how to transform their hands into different weapons like cymbals, a bulldozer, and a hammer. We learn that somehow T-Bird stole his teleporter from the Dark Queen, which sorta explains how he got it earlier, but we never actually see him steal it, so... eh?
Meanwhile the Dark Queen finds Angelica at the doughnut shop and finally kidnaps her. She calls her bull minion General Slaughter to call off the attack at the Battletoads location, as he destroys T-Bird's teleporter. The toads wonder how they can save the Princess without a teleporter, but T-Bird informs them that they can use the car, which has now been dubbed "The Toadster". The group ends up at Ragnarok, where the princess is being trapped at the Dark Queen's tower. So from here, the plot somewhat resembles the video Game, what with having to climb the rotating tower and all.
The Dark Queen tries to get the amulet from Angelica, or else she'll destroy her with another one of those satellite lasers. the toads arrive, and face off with the queen, who takes them down by turning into a tornado, a la the game. The trio still prevail by freeing the Princess, taking out General Slaughter, and then using the laser to destroy the Queen's tower. The group escape in the toadster as the tower falls apart. however, the Queen is not yet done with out heroes, as she has one last trick up her sleeve.
Our heroes end up back at school, causing their clumsy chaos as usual. the Principal suspends them, but our heroes decide to transform in front of the entire school. Again, what the hell is the point of them even becoming human again if they're just going to transform in front of everyone? Sust then, the Queen arrives in a giant saw-like UFO. She begins to destroy the mall, when the Toads get in the UFO to put a stop to her, only to wind up trapped. The queen orders her minions to fire, seeming to forget that they are inside the UFO. The UFO blows up, as the dark queen escapes. Having saved the day, the Battletoads no longer have to stay away from each other. the show ends with the trio giving a high five, and the words "The Beginning" appear on the screen. however, it would also be the end, as the series was never picked up.
All in all, this episode isn't too bad for a pilot. but there are a lot of problems i have to critique.
#1. The animation. for something that seems like a turtles ripoff, the animation is shoddy, thanks to the style being similar to Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. Considering Battletoads on the NES had great graphics, it seems odd that the show wouldn't have great animation.
#2. Voice acting. From the annoying surfer voices, to the terrible catchphrases like "Toadified" "Toadariffic" and the oh-so-classic "Let's get normal!" None of the voices are all that interesting to listen to. except for maybe the Dark Queen.
#3. It's a Turtles ripoff, without anything that made the turtles good. With the turtles, all 4 of them were different. Leonardo was the serious leader, Donatello was the brainy inventor, Raphael was the smart ass, and Michelangelo was the party guy. the toads all seem to be too similar for any of them to be more interesting than the other.
Ather than that, it wasn't the Crappiest. but i doubt it would have been a major success.
One more note. Battletoads wasn't the only cartoon to have a pilot air on TV. In the mid 90's, another video game character tried his hand in the animated series department, but failed to get past the pilot. His name? Bubsy the Bobcat.
