A Holiday Night-"Mare"
Hasbro: 2009
Joyeux Noel fellow toonsters. December has cometh once more, and it's time for yet another classically crappy Christmas cartoon. Not to mention continue my quest to show the truly dank side of the third generation of My Little Pony (As seen in a previous induction). So, when I discovered that G3had its own holiday-themed story, I figured it would be ripe full of amazing action, and super character evolution.
Or, it could be as vapid and hollow as the rest of this generation was.
So with that mentality in mid, let's tinkle all over this twinkle. Let's review this thing.
Too bad they would then fall down the whole damn flight of stairs with the next attempt.
We open with a theme song, which is nowhere as catchy as Friendship is Magic's, but still is hilariously bad. It does teach us what these characters are best at. How "Rainbow Dash always dresses in style", or how "I hope we hear a story from Cheerilee". At least "Plan a party with Pinkie Pie" was kinda right. Only, you know, with the crappier Pinkie.
We open Twinkle Wish adventure in Ponyville, as all of the ponies in town prepare for Christmas... I mean, Hearth's Warming Eve... I mean Winter Wishes festival. An event that's celebrated almost exactly like Christmas, only, you know, god forbid we just call it that. All of our pony protagonists are excited about what makes the festival special. Like Pinkie throwing a holiday party, Rainbow Dash finding a dashing holiday outfit, Toola Roola painting a holiday picture....
Sweetie Belle eating holiday feces
So, in other words, the things they'd do any other day, only with emphasis on the word holiday. Just... Just say Christmas. Who cares if you offend the Jewish family that bought the DVD. They should feel bad for buying it in the first place.
However, the most important event is the hanging of a star known as the Twinkle Wish Star on the top of the ever-forevergreen tree in the center of town. Why an ever-forevergreen? Because it stays green all year long.
So, just like a regular evergreen then?
Scootaloo suggests they call it the never turns any other color other than green tree. Scootaloo should have been revoked from talking for the rest of her life, but this sadly is not a happy world.
But who can hang the star on the tree? Apparently the big mcguffin of the event is that whoever makes the best ornament for the tree wins the honor of putting the star on top. Toola Roola (The one with the yellow and pink mane) says she only has half an idea as to what to create.
Toola-Roola is a proud member of the half-a-brain society
Pinkie suggests that she could help, since her brain is overflowing with ideas. Although I imagine most of those are just parties, balloons, and pink things. Cheerilee comes up with the idea that they all work in teams, and even seems to want to join up with Rainbow Dash. However, she doesn't take into consideration the fact that they are a group of seven, and everypony else teams up with one another, leaving Cheerilee to question "Wha Happen?"
Forever Cheeralone
The narrator of this tale tries to say that the ponies were too caught up with the ornament making that they forgot Cheerilee. No, sorry. Bullshit. I can forgive Pinkie and Toola Roola since they wanted to work together, and maybe Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo for wanting to work together since they're the closest, but what the fuck excuse does Rainbow Dash have? She heard Cheerilee say it, and noticed that she wanted to be her partner, and she chose someone else, so yeah.
Rainbow Dash is a douche
The six of them continue their idle prattle about how they have pink stuff, sparkly stuff, and, as Sweetie Belle suggests... stuffy stuff. Keep coming up with the hits there, champ. All continuing to, you know, ignore Cheerilee's existence right in fucking front of her.
I guess G4 wasn't the only generation that wanted to bump her off as a main pony
So defeated without even trying to remind her friends that she exists, Cheerilee trots off home to make her own ornament. With blackjack. And hookers. She tries to make an ornament out of a crappy pine cone she has. Meanwhile, the other six are working on their ornaments, while being paranoid about not winning (though that sub-plot dies immediately), all while, you know, still forgetting they had a seventh in their group. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle put a button on their ornament that they believe to be lucky.
20 minutes later after admiring their works, they finally remember "Oh shit. We had a friend named Cheerilee, didn't we?" Realizing they've been pretty shitty friends (and Scootaloo a just-as-shitty sister), they go to Cheerilee completely apologietic. Then in some half-assed "Charlie Brown Christmas" outcome, the ponies help Cheerilee doll up her pine cone with assorted stuffy stuff... stuff.
All but Scootaloo, who at first denies her a chance at taking parts of her winning ornament. But thanks to the magic of the great disembodied narrator, Scootaloo gives her a piece to use for her ornament. And as "luck" would have it, Cheerilee chooses the lucky button. At the ceremony, all the ponies hope that Cheerilee will win the contest. Guess the guilt over being shitty friends is greater than putting a star on the tree. Of course, the only one who still wants to win herself is Scootaloo, because she's still the only pony that really gives a damn about the star. And, of course, Cheerilee wins thanks to the lucky button.
Scoot no like. Want to put star on tree.
Later that day, Mayor Flitterflutter arrives to give Cheerilee Twinkle Wish, the wishing star. The mayor likes to arrive by saying "I'm here! I have arrived! I am reached my destination!" Why? Because... well, I don't even know if that is supposed to be a moment to LAUGH!
'
Anyway, she gives Cheerilee the box with the Twinkle Wish star inside, but warns her that this is some sort of pandora's box shit where you can't open it before Christm... Winter Wishes festival because she needs her "Cutie Sleep". Cutie Sleep? Really? I mean, even FiM can throw in a rather hackneyed thing like that, but that's just awful. Also, apparently the fate of Ponyville is in Cheerilee's hands. Uh, what hands? They have hooves. Even for a figure of speech, that's just really stupid sounding.
And of course, not even moments later, Scootaloo manages to open the box, because you know, fuck "the fate of Ponyville". Twinkle Wish awakens from her cutie sleep. Of course, as Twinkle Wish exits the box, the most conveniently placed storm arrives, as does a dragon that just takes her away. Then the storm just stops immediately... okay then.
Cheerilee gives Scootaloo a tongue lashing, until Pinkie tells them that it's not time to fight. Nah, they should totally fight. It would actually mean there's conflict that lasts more than 6 seconds in this damn thing. Starsong, the lone pegasus of the group, sees that the dragon is headed to Willy Nilly Mountain. It's called that because although it's a familiar place, no one has ever went there because the weather changes very fast. You know, like the 30 second storms Ponyville gets.
So, if no pony has gone there, how do they know about how its weather works?
So, after bullshitting to the mayor about Twinkle Wish, the seven set off to Willy Nilly mountain via their conveniently owned hot air balloon. Of course, Rainbow Dash wants to bring all her accessories and stuff, but the ponies tell her to just pack light. Silly Rainbow Dash...
However, the balloon only fits four, so Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are told to stay home. Scootaloo being the bitch she is, beliebes this was done because Cheerilee is mad at her. No, it was done because all you've done so far in this is one fuck-up after another. Pinkie tells them that Sweetie and Scootaloo should be left in charge of the Twinkle Wish box to ensure that no one knows it's missing.
Because, you know, they have done a great job so far with everything they've done.
And we get a song about going on a trip. It seems very out of place, and it's so very generic. If it was actually a song about going to the mountains, or trying to get the star, it would work far better. I know I gush over G4 so much, but when they break into song, at least it still feels like it's in context to what's going on in the story, barely ever losing sight of it. This doesn't do that. Sometimes they're in the balloon, sometimes they're at a lake, or in a grassy area. It's ADD-riddled and seemingly unsure of what it wants to be.
Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo finally have to deal with more lying to the mayor about the star. And they do utter what may honestly be the only funny line in the whole show.
Sweetie Belle: Want a cookie?
Mayor Flutterflitter: No thank you. I'm watching my figure.
Scootaloo: Watching it do what?
Mayor: ... ... Hm,
After a bumpy landing, and apparently being able to keep a hot air balloon tied down with hair ribbon, the five ponies make it to Willy Nilly Mountain. They camp out in the middle of the forest with pink lightning bugs that agree with Pinkie Pie to keep the area lit. How did Pinkie talk to insects? Because she can talk to pink things. How the fuck can you talk to a colour? So, if she sees a pink wall, she can have an enthralling conversation with it? Just say she can talk to animals or something. That's more plausible than talking to pink.
As the five ponies make it to the dragon's cave, we have more of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle trying to keep the mayor stalled as they keep her from seeing the Twinkle-Less box. Scootaloo tries to pretend to be Cheerilee in front of the Mayor. And the mayor buys it. You know, despite "Cheerilee" having a different voice, and apparently shrinking a few inches.
The other ponies find Twinkle Wish, who is still tired, and now being held captive by a dragon named Whimsy Weatherbee, who really just wants her opinion on what to wear. The five ponies confront the Whimsy Weatherbee, who of course isn't evil, and happily invites them in. Phew, for a second, I thought we'd have some conflict.
When they ask about the star, Whimsy said that this was part of her plan. That she's been so alone on the mountain, that she wished for friends. So, instead of just going to inquire about friends, she knows the only way to make friends is with toys, which she has with the star she found. Cheerilee tells her that Twinkle Wish isn't a toy, nor are they really friends with Whimsy. Jeez, be blunt why don't you?
Of course, this leads to a song about friends. And while, sure it's more consistent in what it's about then the other song. They tell them that what makes a friend is different things like painting pictures, or painting nails. Because, you know, vapid shit is the best stuff. Not to mention stuff like just being a pal and stuff.
They ask for the star again, but Whimsy has gained an attachment to the star, and believes that the moment they leave, they won't ever see her again. They invite her to the winter wishes festival. But Whimsy doesn't but into their crap, and tells them to just leave. Cheerilee wishes that Whimsy would see the error of her ways. And yes, the running gimmick of this is that they always wish for certain things, and eventually they come true.
The group bites the bullet and decides that they should finally tell the truth, and that they lost the Twinkle Wish star. Cheerilee takes full responsibility. Though she shouldn't, because this was all Scootaloo's fault, and really her fault alone. Everyone apologizes for their actions, but there's still the issue of no star. Even the mayor forgives them, because you know, fuck playing her for the fool she is, and their bungling of the holiday event.
Bet of course, Whimsy Weatherbee has a change of heart and is all like "You know what? Have your star back. Just, be my friend already." Cheerilee decides that Scootaloo should get her way and put Twinkle Wish on top of the tree. Again, despite the fact that this whole situation was her fault. The main ponies all realize that their wishes were the reason they saved the day. Most of the town wish snow, and Whimsy makes snow for them with her weather powers.
However, Sweetie Belle is the only pony who didn't get her wish. Which is for it to it to snow pink. Wait what? Wouldn't that shit make more sense from Pinkie Pie? Sweetie, you gimmick infringing bitch.
But, of course Twinkle Wish delivers, and the town snows pink. And the episode ends with another song about how your heart's desire happens if you can wish it.
Well, can I wish that I didn't see this then?
Okay, well that was... something. In comparison to the last G3 thing I reviewed for Tooncrap, it certainly at least was better in every way. But of course, that's like comparing a turd to anything at all. The issues are still massive with this. The characters don't have any real personalities. Sure, they have different things they like, but they act so much the same that the things they like don't even stand out.
The lack of any major conflict, not to mention rather ugly looking characters, pointless songs, and a lack of anything interesting just makes this whole 43 minute special just boring as hell.. Other than that, the voice acting is decent (some of the FiM cast were involved in this). So, in that case, this horsey hell is definitely Tooncrap material.
And with that said, have a happy and safe Holiday season, and we'll see you in 2013 with more toony crappy goodness.
'
Anyway, she gives Cheerilee the box with the Twinkle Wish star inside, but warns her that this is some sort of pandora's box shit where you can't open it before Christm... Winter Wishes festival because she needs her "Cutie Sleep". Cutie Sleep? Really? I mean, even FiM can throw in a rather hackneyed thing like that, but that's just awful. Also, apparently the fate of Ponyville is in Cheerilee's hands. Uh, what hands? They have hooves. Even for a figure of speech, that's just really stupid sounding.
And of course, not even moments later, Scootaloo manages to open the box, because you know, fuck "the fate of Ponyville". Twinkle Wish awakens from her cutie sleep. Of course, as Twinkle Wish exits the box, the most conveniently placed storm arrives, as does a dragon that just takes her away. Then the storm just stops immediately... okay then.
Cheerilee gives Scootaloo a tongue lashing, until Pinkie tells them that it's not time to fight. Nah, they should totally fight. It would actually mean there's conflict that lasts more than 6 seconds in this damn thing. Starsong, the lone pegasus of the group, sees that the dragon is headed to Willy Nilly Mountain. It's called that because although it's a familiar place, no one has ever went there because the weather changes very fast. You know, like the 30 second storms Ponyville gets.
So, if no pony has gone there, how do they know about how its weather works?
So, after bullshitting to the mayor about Twinkle Wish, the seven set off to Willy Nilly mountain via their conveniently owned hot air balloon. Of course, Rainbow Dash wants to bring all her accessories and stuff, but the ponies tell her to just pack light. Silly Rainbow Dash...
Surely you know that if you must have your accessories taken with you, resort to child labor.
However, the balloon only fits four, so Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are told to stay home. Scootaloo being the bitch she is, beliebes this was done because Cheerilee is mad at her. No, it was done because all you've done so far in this is one fuck-up after another. Pinkie tells them that Sweetie and Scootaloo should be left in charge of the Twinkle Wish box to ensure that no one knows it's missing.
Because, you know, they have done a great job so far with everything they've done.
And we get a song about going on a trip. It seems very out of place, and it's so very generic. If it was actually a song about going to the mountains, or trying to get the star, it would work far better. I know I gush over G4 so much, but when they break into song, at least it still feels like it's in context to what's going on in the story, barely ever losing sight of it. This doesn't do that. Sometimes they're in the balloon, sometimes they're at a lake, or in a grassy area. It's ADD-riddled and seemingly unsure of what it wants to be.
Meanwhile, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo finally have to deal with more lying to the mayor about the star. And they do utter what may honestly be the only funny line in the whole show.
Sweetie Belle: Want a cookie?
Mayor Flutterflitter: No thank you. I'm watching my figure.
Scootaloo: Watching it do what?
Mayor: ... ... Hm,
After a bumpy landing, and apparently being able to keep a hot air balloon tied down with hair ribbon, the five ponies make it to Willy Nilly Mountain. They camp out in the middle of the forest with pink lightning bugs that agree with Pinkie Pie to keep the area lit. How did Pinkie talk to insects? Because she can talk to pink things. How the fuck can you talk to a colour? So, if she sees a pink wall, she can have an enthralling conversation with it? Just say she can talk to animals or something. That's more plausible than talking to pink.
I knew Rainbow Dash had a big head, but damn.
As the five ponies make it to the dragon's cave, we have more of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle trying to keep the mayor stalled as they keep her from seeing the Twinkle-Less box. Scootaloo tries to pretend to be Cheerilee in front of the Mayor. And the mayor buys it. You know, despite "Cheerilee" having a different voice, and apparently shrinking a few inches.
Even Mayor Mare wouldn't have fallen for that crap.
The other ponies find Twinkle Wish, who is still tired, and now being held captive by a dragon named Whimsy Weatherbee, who really just wants her opinion on what to wear. The five ponies confront the Whimsy Weatherbee, who of course isn't evil, and happily invites them in. Phew, for a second, I thought we'd have some conflict.
When they ask about the star, Whimsy said that this was part of her plan. That she's been so alone on the mountain, that she wished for friends. So, instead of just going to inquire about friends, she knows the only way to make friends is with toys, which she has with the star she found. Cheerilee tells her that Twinkle Wish isn't a toy, nor are they really friends with Whimsy. Jeez, be blunt why don't you?
Of course, this leads to a song about friends. And while, sure it's more consistent in what it's about then the other song. They tell them that what makes a friend is different things like painting pictures, or painting nails. Because, you know, vapid shit is the best stuff. Not to mention stuff like just being a pal and stuff.
They ask for the star again, but Whimsy has gained an attachment to the star, and believes that the moment they leave, they won't ever see her again. They invite her to the winter wishes festival. But Whimsy doesn't but into their crap, and tells them to just leave. Cheerilee wishes that Whimsy would see the error of her ways. And yes, the running gimmick of this is that they always wish for certain things, and eventually they come true.
I hope we see the dead eyes of Cheerilee
The group bites the bullet and decides that they should finally tell the truth, and that they lost the Twinkle Wish star. Cheerilee takes full responsibility. Though she shouldn't, because this was all Scootaloo's fault, and really her fault alone. Everyone apologizes for their actions, but there's still the issue of no star. Even the mayor forgives them, because you know, fuck playing her for the fool she is, and their bungling of the holiday event.
Bet of course, Whimsy Weatherbee has a change of heart and is all like "You know what? Have your star back. Just, be my friend already." Cheerilee decides that Scootaloo should get her way and put Twinkle Wish on top of the tree. Again, despite the fact that this whole situation was her fault. The main ponies all realize that their wishes were the reason they saved the day. Most of the town wish snow, and Whimsy makes snow for them with her weather powers.
However, Sweetie Belle is the only pony who didn't get her wish. Which is for it to it to snow pink. Wait what? Wouldn't that shit make more sense from Pinkie Pie? Sweetie, you gimmick infringing bitch.
But, of course Twinkle Wish delivers, and the town snows pink. And the episode ends with another song about how your heart's desire happens if you can wish it.
Well, can I wish that I didn't see this then?
Okay, well that was... something. In comparison to the last G3 thing I reviewed for Tooncrap, it certainly at least was better in every way. But of course, that's like comparing a turd to anything at all. The issues are still massive with this. The characters don't have any real personalities. Sure, they have different things they like, but they act so much the same that the things they like don't even stand out.
The lack of any major conflict, not to mention rather ugly looking characters, pointless songs, and a lack of anything interesting just makes this whole 43 minute special just boring as hell.. Other than that, the voice acting is decent (some of the FiM cast were involved in this). So, in that case, this horsey hell is definitely Tooncrap material.
And with that said, have a happy and safe Holiday season, and we'll see you in 2013 with more toony crappy goodness.