The April 16th edition of Monday Night Raw returns to the Manhattan Center, but more importantly, the start of the glorious Bartlett-Free era begins as our announcers for the night are Vince McMahon, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. They actuall acknowledge Bartlett's departure by saying it was because the Brain was returinign to commentary, and Heenan says you can find Bartlett with Jimmy Hoffa. Jeez Vince, I know he sucked, but did you really have to bury him under Giants Stadium?
McMahon highlights a big match tonight between Lex Luger, and a man he dubs the "Original Hawaiian" in Crush. Something tells me I shouldn't take Vince's word for that.
Opening our episode tonight is Mr. Perfect against Damian Demento. While most of the feud has gone down on Superstars (Which isn't on the Network so for now isn't being covered), the issues between Perfect and the Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels are continuing to escalate. In fact, Shawn will be interviewed by Vince McMahon later tonight.
Demento looks to the sky as the match begins. Leapfrog by Perfect is met with a dropkick. Demento asks the commentary team if they've heard the voice. He rambles some more to Perfect and gets an elbow, followed by some axe handles. Back drop attempt is met by a kick, but Demento sends Perfect flying into the cameraman.
What I love about Heenan already is that he puts over Perfect as a great athelete, but also makes sure to heel on him for being an idiot. Demento continues the offense on Perfect for a while. Eventually Perfect regains momentum with chops and a knee lift followed by his patented neck roll. Demento regains momentum with shots to the neck. He tries a splash and gets knees to the gut. Perfect lands the Perfectplex for the three. I like that this just wasn't another squash, and Perfect tried to make Demento look good.
We then get a kid reading an essay about how she's dead in a casket because there's no hope with dope.
The Undertaker agrees with this and then likely tombstones her off screen.
And as if things couldn't get more strange on this Raw, we have Bobby Heenan who tells us that later tonight someone in the crowd will propose. But before that, we have "The Narcissist" Lex Luger in action against Kona Crush. According to Vince, Jack Tunney has looked into the metal plate in Luger's forearm. They even cut to a picture showing said metal plate.
Jack Tunney: Worst president ever.
The match starts slow, as we get posing from Luger, while Vladimir the Superfan is in attendance tonight. After what feels like five minutes until something actually happens, Luget gets some cheap shots on a test of strength, but Crush begins to power out and change momentum. He gets Luger up in the millitary press. Luger runs up to the entrance way, seeminly shocked by the strength of the so-called "Original Hawaiian".
The cameraman tries his best to get a shot of Luger's forearm to show the screws protruding through the skin. Luger gets back in and lays in shots with his arm, while not using the loaded arm. But Crush counters with a leapfrog and dropkick. After a quick commercial break, Crush and Luger are still stalemated, but Crush turns the tide with a belly to belly. But Luger manages to send Crush out of the ring with a knee. Luger picks up Crush and sends him into the post. He breaks the ten count, despite being able to get a clear count out win.
Bearhug by Luger on Crush. Heenan thinks he'll give up since Hawaii only has like twelve letter in the alphabet. Crush escapes, but gets powerslammed for a two count. Vertical suplex from Luger is reversed by Crush, who then follows with a big back suplex. Body slam and a leg drop by Crush only gets a two. He locks in the Kona Crush, and it looks like Lex is done. However, his mullet sense sees Doink the Clown in the balcony. He invites Doink to the ring, but Doink points to a second Doink on the other side of the arena. Meanwhile Lex hits Crush with the loaded forearm, sending him out of the ring. Crush gets counted out
All in all, not a horrible match. I'd definitely say Luger's best match so far, and while I'm not sold on Crush, I thought he did a great job in this match as well.
We see our first ad for the debuting King of the Ring Pay Per View. An event which will feature a tournament which will be determined over the next few weeks and culminate at the PPV to crown the WWF's first King of the Ring. And the first qualifiers will of course be on Superstars, with Mr. Perfect taking on Doink, and Bob Backlund against Lex Luger.
Up next is the Raw debut of Mr. Hughes. Not much to really say about Curtis Hughes. He debuted a little while earlier in a brief feud with Undertaker prior to Giant Gonzalez making his debut. I do find the gimmick hilariously odd. Suit wearing man who wrestles with his sunglasses on. Can't help but feel he's one of those douche bags that wears their shades indoors like they're better than everyone.
His opponent this week is Jason Knight. A choke bomb by Hughes starts things off. He gets a big body slam. Vince tells us that we'll see much more of Hughes, as apparently many managers are interested in him. Meanwhile Bobby Heenan pulls the Rob Bartlett shtick of watching TV mid-match. Don't stoop to Rob's level. But meanwhile, Hughes squashes Knight with a sidewalk slam for the three while Heenan tries to unscramble the porn channel.
We then cut to a vignette in the desert. Coming to the WWF is a pair of cowboys. Why it's Bart and Billy, the Smoking Gunns. Pretty basic debut vignette with all the old wild west cliches. They've been riding together for years, and they're coming to the WWF to face the good, the bad, and the ugly. And they'll be riding high in the saddle. I will say that stache on Billy is the most amazing thing.
Up next is Vince McMahon in the ring with Shawn Michaels. He tells Shawn that he will defend the Intercontinental title against of all people, Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Shawn is sick of coming to the dump that is New York City, the armpit of the nation. Shawn says that he doesn't need anyone watching his back since he's the Intercontinental champ. The classy New York crowd of 1993 would rather chant "Shawn is gay". And unfortunately they cut to the crowd happily chanting it.
Vince brings up the Wrestlemania IX attack on Mr. Perfect. As Shawn tries to compare Perfect to Grover from Sesame Street, they switch their chants to "homo" and "faggot". But before they can get worse, Mr. Perfect comes to the ring, but Pat Patterson and the rest keep him from entering. Shawn gets a cheap shot, and Perfect gives chase. Shawn did a fine job, Perfect was gerat, but seriously, screw this crowd. Though I really should know better to be chastising a crowd from 22 years ago. But you know, say what you will about modern crowds and their hijacking of the product, they aren't this crass.
We cut to Superstars the past weekend as we see Bam Bam attacking Sensational Sherri, when Tatanka comes to her aid. They brawl, and later in the show Tatanka is attacked before his match by Bam Bam. He then whips out a pair of scissors to "scalp" Tatanka. I hate Tatanka, but if this is Bam Bam's next feud, it's a step up from the planned Friar Ferguson feud.
It's time for our main event as Typhoon takes on Von Krus. From the screams, one girl seems to straight up love Typhoon. While Typhoon gets in some offense, we get Jim Duggan on the phone. He says that he'd be worried if he had a young daughter, or was on a magazine cover, but they're wresting next, and this is Hacksaw's first title shot apparently. Von Krus gets some offense on Typhoon with some rakes to the face, but Typhoon gets a big splash in the corner, a clothesline and his splash for the three in a meaningless squash.
It's time for the conclusion to the whole wedding proposal stuff that Heenan's been hyping all night. He finally proposes to her on national TV. The crowd however would prefer she "just say no". But she says yes anyway, as we end with the Jeopardy theme for some reason.
This was a weird Raw. A better Raw than most, but weird. The pros were the Crush/Luger match, which was fine, the Perfect/Demento match was better than it had any right to be. And while it was a meaningless squash in the overall, I didn't mind Mr. Hughes. However, Also Bobby Heenan is a breath of fresh air at the table. He's highly entertaining in his jabs, and despite the stupid channel surfing bit, has been able to focus his comedy on the actual action in the ring.
I didn't think anything of the Typhoon match, and what really pissed me off was the crowd during Shawn's promo. Granted, he didn't help matters with his gay pride remark to some people in the crowd, but yeah. 1993 New York wasn't exactly a gleaming beacon of tolerance. So despite that, I'll say this Raw was an A- effort.