It's January 3rd, 1994. The #1 song in America is Mariah Carey's "Hero" and the #1 movie in America is once again Mrs. Doubtfire thanks to the Holidays. In the world of Monday Night Raw, we're only a few weeks away from the 1994 Royal Rumble. We open Raw this week with Undertaker still working on that "double deep, double wide" casket for Yokozuna. Taker's made his new year's resolution, essentially for Yokozuna to rest in peace.
Speaking of the WWF champion, we go to Wrestling Challenge the previous weekend as we learn that Cornette and company have not intentionally sold Yokozuna up the river. Cornette agreed to the title match, but Paul Bearer was the one who added the stipulation. That stipulation being on that Yokozuna is deathly afraid of. Though to be fair, most people are scared of caskets or the thought of being buried alive for that matter, so it's not like it's a particularly goofy phobia to have. Either way, the champ may need to have one hell of a strategy for the Rumble.
Raw is once again from Poughkeepsie, New York, ending out a four week run for the show in the venue. It's Vince McMahon at the table, and as promised last week, Johnny Polo is joining him for commentary. Tonight's card hasn't changed from the matches announced last week, as Vince mainly notes the match between the Smoking Gunns and the, as Vince puts it, "Bo-hemoth" tag team of Bastion Booger and Bam Bam "should be in a better position than this" Bigelow.
But kicking off this show will be WWF Champion Yokozuna in action against Dan Dubiel. Polo brings up the then recent passing of Cesar Romero and how he never got an academy award, to which Vince suggests he should have gotten a slammy instead. Okay then Vince. That's at least a response. At least it was your patrician "Nonetheless".
Hard shove by Yokozuna, as Polo mentions how Dope he is. Vince shrugs it off, because of course he does. A chop by Yoko takes Dubiel down. USA chants rain down on the champion as he hits a body slam "With Authority" followed by a leg drop. Yoko is Polo's "homeboy" apparently as he tries his damnedest to sound hup. A belly to belly suplex connects as Yoko slaps around Dubiel. Dubiel dries to fight back, but can barely get up. Yoko swats him back down, then slams him in the corner. Banzai Drop gets the win in a slow, but effective squash to open this edition of Raw
We recap the match between Jacques and Lex Luger before we go to an interview that Vince held with Luger. He brings up that Luger seems to be on a magnificent wave of momentum lately, but is still unsure if he's in the Rumble or not yet. Luger says that no matter what Tunney's decision is, he thanks the fans for their support. Luger also tends to look at Vince when he talks, then straight to the camera "to the fans". Just something minor I noticed. Maybe the modern mentality of wrestlers never looking into the camera makes it feel foreign to me.
He brings up that Yoko's team are a bit arrogant to think that they have it easy against the Undertaker at the Rumble, along with the protest to keep him out. To be fair Lex, if you had actually won the belt at Summerslam and, you know, NOT let Yokozuna be counted out, then we really wouldn't have this whole issue of "will you/won't you" with Tunney and the Rumble. If he is in the Rumble, he'll be fired up, and he intends to win.
We cut to footage of racing cars as we see Thurman "Sparky" Plugg getting buckled in and ready to drive. He's racing his way into the World Wrestling Federation. Is it wrong that I'm more excited for the debut of Bob friggin' Holly than I have been for most superstars? No? Good.
Up next is Bam Bam Bigelow and Basion Booger (The Filler B's) taking on The Smoking Gunns. Billy and Bam Bam start as Bam Bam gets in a shoulder block. Billy tries a shoulder block which dazes Bam Bam. A dropkick sends him out of the ring. Bam Bam gets back in, but misses a diving headbutt. Tag to Bart who works on the arm. Bam Bam misses a spash in the corner as Bart keeps up the arm wringers. Bam Bam tries a slam, but Bart counters, only to get a massive elbow to the face. Tag to Booger as Johnny Polo is transfixed on the hump on his neck, calling him a whale of a guy. A "humpback" if you will. Booger gets a clothesline on Bart as we go to break.
When we return. Billy gets a bulldog on Booger. Tag to Bart as both men hit a double clothesline. Bart tries an attack, only to be sent out of hte ring. Bam Bam takes this time to throw Bart into the post. Bam Bam comes in and gets a vertical suplex and a diving headbutt for two. "Barney and Betty are so proud of Bam Bam, especially since hand Pebbles broke up" states Mr. Polo.
Tag back to the Booger Man who gets an elbow and a leg drop for two. Bart dodges a splash by Booger. Both men get tags as Billy, like a house of fire gets a knee lift and a dropkick. Tag back to Bart while Luna rubs the hump of Booger. The Guns get a double back body drop for two. Booger, happy to get his hump rubbed, is now infatuated with Luna and gives her a hug, while Bam Bam gets rolled up by Billy for two. Luna is none too happy with this hug, and slaps Booger, but he puts in another hug.
DDT by Billy. Bam Bam then swats off Billy, while Luna is still being mauled by the booger man. Bam Bam finally sees what's going on and attacks Booger. Both big men brawl as they get counted out. Referees try to pull apart the big men as the Gunns celebrate in the ring. Overall, a decent match at best. Bart remains dull, while Billy is definitely the better worker of the two. The post-match stuff was pretty entertaining as well, though I don't envy Luna being engulfed in that stench.
It's time for this week's Royal Rumble report. Todd Pettengill's new year's resolution is that he wants a hump. Read in to that however you will. He then brings up the rules of the Rumble match and runs the 27 entrants:
Bret Hart, Crush, Kamala, Owen Hart, Doink, Mabel, Scott Steiner, Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Adam Bomb, Bam Bam Bigelow, Randy Savage, 1-2-3 Kid, Fatu, Samu, Rick Steiner, Bob Backlund, Greg Valentine, Billy Gunn, Bart Gunn, Rick Martel, Bastion Booger, Marty Janetty, Mo, Jeff Jarrett, Ludvig Borga and Tatanka.
Luger, of course, is still not allowed to participate, but with three slots left, and those slots set to be announced on Superstars this week, there's still a chace for the "American Original". Also on the card is Yokozuna vs The Undertaker in a Casket Match for the WWF Title. The Hart brothers will take on the Quebecers for the tag titles, and Razor Ramon taking on I.R.S. Tatanka and Borga will also have a match before their entries into the Rumble.
We get an ad for the "Uncut, Uncensored, and Uncooked" first anniversary episode of Monday Night Raw next week. Vince shills a guest commentator next week as well. But up next is Jeff Jarrett for a match against John Chrystal. Vince shills "Bad Influence" with Rob Lowe and James Spader. Chrystal tries a roll up on Jarrett for two, but gets stomps for his troubles. Hard clothesline on Chrystal by Jarrett. He follows with a nice dropkick and a strut. Back body drop is turned into a sunset flip by Chrystal for two.
Jarrett rams Chrystal into the buckle then hits a vertical suplex. Another ram into the buckle and a hard right. Jarrett misses an elbow to the buckle as Chrystal hits a powerslam for two. A whip by Chrystal is turned into a DDT by Jarrett for three. Not a bad match. Better than Jeff's debut, that's for certain.
After a recap of Johnny Polo's victory over marty Jannetty last week, Jannetty and the 1-2-3 Kid come to ringside to confront Polo. He asks for a tag match against the Quebecers. Polo says it's not fair, but the Kid calls him unconfident. After almost being physically threatened, he agrees. Marty and the Kid ask for a title match, which Polo eventually is forced to agree. Next week we got a tag title match before the rumble.
We get a quick PSA from Razor Ramon about how smokers are losers. I'm sorry, but I just can't take an anti-drug or anti-alcohol PSA from Scott Hall seriously. Can we go back to Undertaker looming over an open grave?
Up next is "the true intercontinental champion" Shawn Michaels with Diesel by his side. Opponent this week is Brian Walsh. Jacques of the Quebecers is on the line while Shawn and Walsh trade arm wringers and punches. Jacques is fine with this title match, considering it a warm up for the Harts at the Rumble. Walsh outwrestles Michaels for a good period in this match, managing a monkey flip and a backslide for two. Michaels turns Walsh's momentum into a powerslam. He tosses Walsh out to Diesel, who throws him back in. Another toss out, and another toss in.
Stalling vertical suplex by Shawn Michaels for two. This is followed by a chinlock to Walsh. Walsh breaks out, only to get a knee to the gut. Snapmare and a stomp by Shawn as Vince mentions that Bastion Booger will take on Bam Bam Bigelow. Roll up by Walsh for two. He hits a dropkick, but his second attempts is met with nothing. Shawn hits a superkick and a piledriver for three. Overall, another decent match. Mainly due to it being somewhat competitive, and not just another jobber just taking moves with no offense.
Vince shlls the card for next week. Polo promises that after the Quebecers beat Janetty and the Kid, it'll be a stepping stone for the Harts at the Rumble.
This Raw was decent. The squashes for once were actually competitive, and while it was no classic, I didn't mind the Gunns vs Bam Bam and Booger. Johnny Polo was also fine at the announce table. I also like that we're building not only to the Rumble, but the anniversary show next week. Compared to many Raws lately, this was a far less offensive, more active episode, deserving of a B- rating.