We open Raw with a recap of the events from last week's edition involving IRS, Marty Jannetty and the 1-2-3 Kid, who stole IRS' briefcase, in turn helping Razor Ramon regain his gold chains. Because of those actions, it has led us to our big match of the evening as the rocker takes on the tax man. It's the wrap-up of the two Raw tapings from Bushkill, Pennsylvania. Vince is at the table with...
Bastion Booger? Just... WHY? I mean, Jim Ross is fired at this point, so we can't go back to the decent commentary from that episode, but why not Dibiase? Why not Randy Savage? Hell, why not Rob Bart... Nope, couldn't type that one out without laughing out loud. I'll take the nacho munching booger man over that hack any day.
Vince shills Sparky Plugg's raw debut tonight, Booger says he's got some gas for Sparky. Vince shills Owen Hart in action, Booger says that like the Rocket, he's gonna need to blast off too.
You know what, I quit. This whole blog was a mistake...
Opening up in ring competition tonight it's the Smoking Gunns in action against Reno Riggins and Barry Horowitz. Looking at the gear of Riggins and Horowitz makes me feel a bit more content. Vince brings up Whoopi Goldberg winning the Oscars, and Booger suggests that if they need another 400 pound host, he's free next year.
Hiptosses by Billy to start, but Horowitz and Riggins get in some double teams into the corner. Billy fights them off and Bart hits a cross body. Double Russian leg sweep by the Gunns. Bastion Booger really wants to eat Punxsutawney Phil the groundhog. I swear to god I'm not six minutes in and maybe I'm almost ready to take back what I said about Rob Bartlett. Tag to Bart who hits a nice vertical suplex. Bart then does what he pretty much always does, which is work the arm. Tag to Billy who lands an axe handle off the Arm. Roseanne Barr jokes next by Vince and Booger. Bart and Billy hit the sidewinder for the win in a quick, but decent jobber match.
We recap the issues with Bret and Owen once again. We recap All American Wrestling from last weekend where Owen revels in how great it was to kick Bret's leg out of his leg. He still blames Bret for costing them the belt, which he does have some truth to. Bret was also interviewed, he is still not going to forgive himself for having to wrestle Owen at Wrestlemania. I do like that Bret's character isn't revenge filled, and despite the turn by Owen, he still would rather resolve this in a way that won't splinter the family further.
Owen Hart's up next for action against John Paul. He goes to give his glasses to a kid in the crowd, only to break them and jaw jack some more about Bret. Owen is killing this heel character, and with each passing week gets better and better. The crowd chants "we want Bret" as the in-ring action is underway. Booger wants five pizzas by the wheelbarrow. Owen works the arm of John Paul for a bit. Hard chops in the corner by Owen followed by a few European uppercuts. Vince finds the time to shill Ico Pro buring the match. Boogermania is running wild by the way.
John Paul reverses a smash into the buckle, and begins to gain a head of steam. But Owen lands a big spinning heel kick. He covers, but quickly breaks the count. More hard uppercuts in the corner followed by a big enziguri to the back of the head. Vince takes a dig at Ted Turner and Jane Fonda while Owen locks in the sharpshooter for the win. Overall, a decent enhancement match. Owen continues to shine.
Bastion Booger partakes in his pizza as Vince takes us to Paul Bearer at a cemetery, who tells us that if we believe hard enough, and I dunno, maybe buy lots and lots of Ico Pro, the Undertaker will come back to us again. You just gotta have faith.
Or maybe this whole thing could be settled if Paul TURNED THE HELL AROUND!
It's time for our big match of the night, IRS vs Marty Janetty. Cue the tax cheats promo for the week. Bastion Booger says he'll probably hide some food in Paul Bearer's casket at Fan Fest. Irwin starts with some strikes, but is met with dropkicks and a body slam by Marty. He hits a jumping elbow as Irwin gets out of the ring to regain some composure. Apparently Bastion Booger is wiping himself with the pizza at this point. Kill me.
Headlock by Marty takes Irwin down for two. Irwin tries to roll up Marty with his feet on the rope for two. Marty takes Irwin outside, but Irwin throws Marty into the post with full force. IRS is sweatier than usual. I'm guessing the arena is without much air conditioning. Marty gets back in with a sunset flip for a two count. As we go to break, the Quebecers arrive at ringside. When we go back, they were thrown right back out due to an attack on Jannetty.
Irwin lands a body slam and ascends the top rope. But his elbow drop is met with boots from Marty. Small package by Marty only gets a two count. Irwin locks in the abdominal stretch, using the ropes for leverage. Booger now wants some hot dogs and hamburgers while Marty escapes the stretch, but Irwin regains control just as quickly. The crowd chants for Marty who manages to get a jawbreaker on Irwin. Big powerslam by Marty followed by a superkick. However Johnny Polo arrives at ringside with a pool cue. Marty gets a facebuster for two as Razor Ramon follows suit to ensure there's no shenanigans by Polo.
Clothesline by Marty for two. The Quebecers return to ringside while Marty gets in a sleeper hold. Jacques and Pierre circle Razor as Polo trips up Marty. Irwin gets the three, but Razor gets in an atomic drop. The Quebecers try to beat down Razor, buy Marty comes in to even the odds. Pierre is clotheslined out of the ring, and Jacques is hit with the Razor's Edge.
Overall, this was an okay match. Some good offense by IRS and for his second match in the night, Marty did pretty well, but you could definitely tell he was gassed. Didn't help that Irwin was sweating buckets. I gotta assume that it was a hot, sweaty arena they were in. This was more of an angle than a match what with all the outside involvement, furthering issues with everyone involved. So for what it was attempting to do, it did the trick. Hopefully though we move on from here with Razor and get to concluding this issue with the dual intercontinental champs.
As Booger now feasts on burgers, my hopes for Razor to move on are immediately dashed as we learn that he and Marty want a tag title match against the Quebecers in two weeks. Yes, you read that right, two weeks as once again Raw is being bumped for the pooches . It's Westminster Dog Show season.
That Sailyn's Condor kid has some massive pull.
It's the Raw debut of Thurmann "Sparky" Plugg up next. We first saw Sparky in ring at the Royal Rumble where he lasted a surprising twenty plus minutes. It's Duayne Gill in action against him. Bastion Booger is now choking on his food. I mean, he must be in real bad shape...
I mean, just look at how much pain he's in, and the panicked voice of Vince showing in his non-moving state. Good going Kevin Dunn.
Hiptosses and a nice boot by Sparky. Vince was fine with letting Bastion Booger die by the way. the USA shill of the week is an all new Silk Stalkings. Sparky lands one of his picture perfect dropkicks. A body slam and a leg drop is followed by a big back body drop and a powerslam. Gill tries to regain momentum, but Sparky gets in a suplex, a body slam and a diving knee (AKA the overhead cam) for the three. Solid debut match for Sparky, but a bit too much in terms of flashy moves with little substance.
Todd Pettengill shills the Wrestlemania jacket and brings us up to speed for the Wrestlemania X card. After recapping the coin toss from last week, we go to words from Jim Cornette as team Yokozuna is unhappy with Luger winning the coin toss, mainly because Luger hasn't been deserving of a rematch.
Also announced for Wrestlemania is Macho Man vs Crush in a falls count anywhere match. This is a bit different from the more modern falls count anywhere matches however as the hitch is you have to get back in the ring within 60 seconds to win after scoring the fall. We also have Bret and Owen Hart on the way at Mania.
In our last match of the evening, it's Crush in action against James Thornberg. Booger's got a date with Tonya Harding tonight, because 1994 references. Thornberg tries some clotheslines, but to no avail as Crush turns it around into an armbar takedown. Superkick by Crush as Vince talks about Dianne Sawyer. Some strikes on the ground by Crush follow as the crowd chants USA. Several quick kicks by Crush is followed by a gorilla press slam. Big jumping leg drop gets a three in a very forgettable squash.
An irate Johnny Polo and the Quebecers are backstage, none too happy about having to defent their titles against Razor and Marty in two weeks. In fact, Pierre is so angry he literally starts punching holes into the wooden wall behind him. Polo claims conspiracy by Jack Tunney. We end shilling two weeks as Bret Hart will take on a Heavenly Body, a tag title match and more. We end this mess of a Raw with Bastion Booger eating Dog Treats.
This was a chore of a Raw to sit through. Not so much for the in-ring, as there was nothing too offensive tonight. All the enhancement matches were fine, though the Gunns was bland and Crush's was just there. Owen continues to rock the heel character and while it wasn't perfect, Marty vs IRS was an okay main attraction match. What made this Raw a chore was Bastion Booger. This whole shtick of "I fart a lot, I eat a lot, here's some fat jokes" became hard to sit through after barely a minute. And having to deal with 40 plus minutes of it made this show no better. That aside, it's far from the biggest dud, but not really worth coming back to watch. D.